After
about 25minutes of “YOU and I, You and I, BUT and Because,” Saika said, “You
are not understanding Om. I was sick, last whole night, and you didn’t even
notice it.” “What on earth told you that I have an inborn talent to read other
people’s faces especially when I am angry?” was my reply. (We had a small
misunderstanding because of which we didn’t talk for one day and one night.)
Now, Saika wants me to forget it which I already did but at the same time she
wants me to act “normal” right away and go for dinner with her, which I didn’t
agree. I wanted some time on my own, may be god knows for what reason, but she
didn’t understand it. So she left the room saying I am not understanding her. And then surprisingly, I found myself typing.
Weird isn’t it? Well, this is what I wrote.
I wanted to finish my final year in AUW with you in
a very special way. By saying that, I didn’t mean we have spent sad or bad
times together, up until now. We already have spent lots of quality time together
that will make me miss my college days very badly in the near future. To
describe our closeness, even people around us are wondering whether we are “lesbians”,
as if lesbians do not get fed up with each other and go for new partners (Lol).
I had this stupid feeling just before the beginning
of 2015. I don’t know what is so special in the word ‘final’ that makes almost all
people, somehow, become so emotional. FINAL YEAR, which means final 9 months
with you in AUW. With mixture of feelings, excitement for the graduation day
and pain for the departure day, I ended up making some Dos and Don’ts plan in
my mind which are all related with us.
And here come some of them,
I didn’t want to show my temper the way I showed in
the last four years.
I didn’t want to pick a fight with you just because
of some stupid reasons which might seem like a political fight at that moment.
I wanted to make everyday very memorable and special
so that we can get the double share of happiness and peace compared to that of
the last four years.
Thus, I made so many plans and promises to myself
just before the beginning of 2015. However, somehow, I figured out that so many
things are going just in opposite ways. Then, I thought I will try to follow
those plans during our last semester together. Then, again I excitedly waited
for the final semester to begin.
Ha ha!! What to say? Final semester is already
going on and about my plans, I would say that it was just like daydreaming or
expecting a frog to climb a tree. I have realized that we have quarreled and
argued with each other so many times this year. In fact, I think we kept all
our fighting shares of last four years just for this year. I even got surprised
at my own temper at some point. I was so mad at you as well as at myself for
letting such things happen.
But, I am no longer angry or upset with you. I
don’t regret for all the fights and silly arguments I had with you. Do you feel
the same? Do you know why??
After the last fight we had, in fact the longest
fight we ever had. I felt nothing. My anger was not there. I felt empty but in
a good way. When I found myself just sitting and feeling the usual friendly
atmosphere, I was like, “WTF, I am supposed to feel so bad and mad right now.
What is happening with me?” And at that right moment, something from inside
said, “yes, I just got my best friend.” Of course, I have considered you as my
best friend since the day we have decided to eat, stay and talk all the time
with each other for the rest of the university life. I have enjoyed all
happiness that we have shared. However, seriously, I never knew that even
fighting with you, showing my all temper, can cause no harm to our friendship.
What did you just do with me that I even feel so comfortable while showing my
anger at you, keep aside the rest?
Lately, I have been thinking most of the time about
why philosopher have spend so many years arguing, debating and studying about
concepts like ‘Beauty’ and ‘aesthetics’ and finally I think I got the answer. I
remember, my Professor once said in the class that aesthetic experience occurs
when we have disinterest attitude, which means the person no longer cares about
his or her own personal interest while experiencing that particular feeling. I
am not sure how far I have understood the lecture correctly but I started
relating it to our friendship bond. If I had cared a bit about the fear of
ending our best friend relationship then I would have never let those silly
fights to happen in between us at the very first place. However, I would say
feeling different kinds of emotions are human nature but feeling true Beauty of
all these emotions is rare. Just like teachers keep the harder lessons for the upper
level courses, I think both of us have kept our hot tempers for the final
semester. So that, by the time we get to see ‘angry bird,’ we already find
ourselves appreciating the Beauty of the bird, which leaves no option for the
emotions to cause any effects on our appreciation for the Beauty of the bird.
At some point both of us have accepted that we are
met to depart but I have also known that be it last few days with you or
beginning first few days with you, we will go with the same phase, that we have
been going with, for the last few years. After all, we lived our lives to the
fullest in all those gone years, we treasure all those memories, and we value
all those gone year pictures together more than the recent ones. This brings
the question, “why to make the final semester more special then?”
So now, let me conclude by rephrasing my first
line, “I am spending my final semester in AUW by living everyday just the way
we have been living but appreciating it in an aesthetic way this time (:P). It
simply means I detach myself from judging all the emotional feelings that I go
through with you and just appreciate the Beauty of our friendship. There can be
more fights and arguments waiting for us in these coming days which means this
is the not the end or beginning of our fights but no preparations needed to
face it. I am already in love with our friendship. Yes, Hazera, you are my
best-est friend J.
With Love,
Om
Om
that is so cute
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